When I was growing up there were two things I feared immensely, Santa Claus and Clowns. I'm not too sure why I trembled at the sight of Jolly Ole Saint Nick, but every Christmas I'm reminded of the time I sent my brother to ask the mountain-sized garden gnome for an Indiana Jones playset because I was too scared to do so myself. I'll never live that one down.
Clowns are another story, but one much too large to tell for this entry. Now easy, guys! It's only our second date so I'll give you the pieces. The story involves a fireman and a policeman; both were shoe holders, both were clowns, their shadows, a wrench and a child's wild, violent imagination. Go on, you're creative enough. You have the cast and crew, now create your own story cause no one ever believes mine.
This transitions us to the scenario displayed at the top of the entry. I stare at this picture, the child gesturing towards the monstrosity before him, a being teetering somewhere between Tim Curry's Pennywise from Stephen King's IT and Tina Turner, and think, at 30, "Whoa, that lollipop does look tasty. Hey, Satan's Funny Man! I'll trade you this bottle cap for it." Here we sit in agreement, the young man and I. But had I been his age, in this very same predicament, you would've found me blocks away, in terror, ice-creaming my pants with chocolate goodness all the way home. You got balls, Kid.
28 comments:
I feel like your setup is the beginning of a bad joke.
"So a cop and a firemen holding a wrench walk under a bright light..."
"a being teetering somewhere between Tim Curry's Pennywise from Stephen King's IT and Tina Turner,"
lol that's a fantastic way to describe him.
Im pretty sure that clown is a serial killer
Now I HAVE to hear this story...
Also, you probably would have hated several people in my family if you were part of it growing up; they all liked to knit giant, stuffed clowns...it didn't creep me out until someone gave me a lava lamp one year. I decided to turn it on one night and bask in it's lime green glow...well, I fell asleep (I was about 8) and woke up around 3 in the morning. The first thing I see? The stuffed clown that had been made for me sitting in his corner, with the green glow of the lava lamp illuminating his face. Needless to say he made his way to the bottom of a huge toy stack.
Santa always freaked me out man, I remember hiding behind the tree many times with a camera, waiting to get some dirt on the giant, psychic elf who broke into our house once every year to drop gifts and steal cookies. I was always suspicious about how he made it into our house, seeing as how we took out our fireplace/chimney around the time i was 7 or 8. I though to myself "how could Santa make it in through the heater?". Needless to say, I never found out quite how he did it.
Good stuff Claud, I think its great that youre doing this, it gives an interesting insight in the mind of the man who created all the madness that is the Amory Wars. Good luck with this man.
In more relevant areas, this might give a good laugh:
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/entertainment/holiday/sfl-scaredofsanta-ugc,0,7181908.ugcphotogallery
I hear you on the clowns Claudio. My brother made me watch It when I was 4 and till this day it is the only movie that freaks me the fuck out. "They all float down here Georgie." Great blog man, the last two entries have be good reads. Keep up the good work.
"a being teetering somewhere between Tim Curry's Pennywise from Stephen King's IT and Tina Turner"
Who run Barter Town?
http://www.gorbould.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/10/master_blaster.jpg
"you would've found me blocks away, in terror, ice-creaming my pants with chocolate goodness all the way home"
I laughed, you made my night.
I loved the last two posts, and the idea is great, good luck with it. =]
Can't wait to see more of this side of you.
Haha. =D
What really scares me are the porcelain dolls though.
I CANNOT stand them, they make me wanna cry.
So, in a way, I know how you feel.
No estas solo. :P
This is so awesome Claudio, please keep this up! It's awesome to be able to see this side of u man!
On the topic of Santa, i too feared him when i was young. I mean come on, this guy is watching ur every action all year long until he finally breaks into ur house at the end of the year?! And the only thing i know about what the guy does in his free time is that "he sees u when ur sleeping, he knows when ur awake"! I dont care if he's bringing me presents or not, thats scary! I'm told not to take candy from strangers, but it's ok if it comes from the fat dude that's been stalking me all year long?!
only one question, wtf??? that could be the scariest clown I have ever seen! I would be scared of clowns too if that was my only clown interaction!
Yeah, Pennywise in the film version of IT was probably the only frightening thing for me when I finally watched it 8 or so years ago. After reading the book, I was so excited to see it.
I almost had to turn it off. Talk about disappointing. However, that clown was scary as all hell, no doubt about it.
Much like the clown in this picture. That kid DOES have a serious set.
Love the pic. It's the shadows that grab me.
I wonder if that kid knows lollipops aren't as good as they look? I'd need the offer of a coney with onions to get that close. Maybe that's why he's only offering a bottle cap in trade. I guess the kid's got brains, too.
I used to cry when my parents would take me to see Santa.
I'm not too scared of clowns, but that dude is super freaky.
(:
Nothing scarier then a clown. Period.
(haha) Damn, I wonder how being in the presense of SlipKnot everyday is for you Claudio!
hey man, i know how it is, i saw IT when i was like 7 and couldn't sleep for months..
did you ever get the Indiana Jones playset? that would have been bitchin! On my 3rd bday, my parents thought it would be a splendid idea to have their friend come over in an ardvark mascot suit and surprise me. I almost shit a brick once I laid eyes on that fucking blue ardvark. It towered over me, trying to get me to come over to it. My 3 year old brain went, "fuck this shit!", and I hauled ass over to my dad. To this day, I get mocked about being scared shitless because of that thing.
Clowns never bothered me much...And I considered Santa something awesome...
Now DOCTORS on the other hand scared the bejeezus outta me. Why would my parents willingly turn me over to some needle-wielding psycho who got paid to shove already eatne popsicle sticks down my throat and inject me with shit I couldn't even pronounce at the time? To this day, I blame the medical practice for making me the basket case I am today. That and cartoons.
I'm going to guess you never watched Killer Klowns from outer space. It's more of a comedy really, but the clowns are still creepy.
I just peed my pants.I'm no sissy girl.The ONLY thing I'm afraid of is clowns.I have filled pages and pages with drivel about my claurophobia.Oh my gods. I think I'm going to go cry now.
A few years ago, I ended up at a hotel where a clown convention was being held. I saw one coming down the corridor and ran screaming. The motherfucker had the nerve to offer me a lollipop and CHASED me down to try to make me take it.As if I would have taken it anyway. You just know clown lollipops have maggots in the center. Jeezus....clowns are fucktards and terrorists.
Clowns still scare the hell out of me at age 19, I just cant stand to be anywhere near them.
The film IT messed me up so much when I was younger. I would hate to have to get out of bed at night and if I had to I would jump from the bed and back into it, so to avoid the clown that was clearly under my bed and couldn't get me if I got in and out of bed quick enough...
Damn, I was a dumb kid
i am 34 and clowns still to this day make me run screaming!
although, i may have to give it a second thought if he had you, claudio. ;)
i agree with you about the clowns. when i was 5 i went to this one kid's birthday party and they had......clowns. i freaked and had to watch mulan in a different room.
I'm not really afraid of clowns except for one. A villain in some movie, I forgot.
Watch Clue/Rock Horror --> laugh
Hilarious.
I THINK I KNOW THAT CLOWN!
My friend had this clown when we were kids...the thing was as big as us, and it had a pull string on it's back and when you pulled the string, the head moved in a circle, and it sang some song I dont remember now (most of this clown has been blocked out of my memory) and it lit up. Well, at the time I wasnt afraid of clowns......until that night.
We had been playing with the clown earlier in the day, and I suppose the string didnt pull back all the way...well after all the little girl giggles and we started to fall asleep...the damn thing started to light up and move and sing and in the dark...thats NOT a pretty sight..
I think I might have wet my pants that night, I really dont remember, as I said most of it is blocked out....
I wouldnt spend the night again until it was gone.
Clowns = devil.
REAL clowns don't scare me...paintings, figures and photographs on the other hand scare the living hell out of me...I can go to circuses and festivals and be fine, but put me in the same room with a picture of one of those freaky sonsa bitches staring and smiling like some demented nutjob and i'm outta there before you can blink
I was never scared of santa..i did however decide that any entity that could see me when i was sleeping and know when i was awake from the other side of the world was a stalker and needed to be incarcerated
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